I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
