I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
