Farmville is her only friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
