Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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