yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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