So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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