so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
