doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
