took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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