I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
