This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
