I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
