so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
handjob tips. give me some.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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