call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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