He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
