He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
