Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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