How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history