we made out on top of his cat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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