so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....