Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?

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  (908): i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking? http://tfl.nu/grwd
  Replies (2) Good night (1180) Bad night (652)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...

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  (208): this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer... http://tfl.nu/pqdq
  Replies (16) Good night (1162) Bad night (3246)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.

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  (319): You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while. http://tfl.nu/w0el
  Replies (6) Good night (2999) Bad night (1090)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.

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  (804): French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops. http://tfl.nu/0hfd
  Replies (5) Good night (2234) Bad night (804)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.

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  (813): Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant. http://tfl.nu/yfmm
  Replies (7) Good night (1422) Bad night (909)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!

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  (403): And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH! http://tfl.nu/fcac
  Replies (4) Good night (2225) Bad night (573)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?

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  (810): Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july? http://tfl.nu/yisd
  Replies (6) Good night (1394) Bad night (614)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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  (208): Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that. http://tfl.nu/xdn8
  Replies (3) Good night (1798) Bad night (948)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing

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  (417): After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing http://tfl.nu/he4t
  Replies (11) Good night (1231) Bad night (515)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles

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  (+61): I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles http://tfl.nu/20ya
  Replies (3) Good night (1751) Bad night (546)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there

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  (732): he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there http://tfl.nu/19cw
  Replies (3) Good night (361) Bad night (833)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours

  (325): View more from Texas

  Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin

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  (325): I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours (325): Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin http://tfl.nu/emaj
  Replies (11) Good night (1233) Bad night (448)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.

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  (630): Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life. http://tfl.nu/e0bg
  Replies (0) Good night (416) Bad night (234)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.

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  (414): I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems. http://tfl.nu/eyas
  Replies (7) Good night (542) Bad night (187)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.

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  (262): Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing. http://tfl.nu/xeab
  Replies (2) Good night (297) Bad night (305)

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