Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.