You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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