I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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