You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
