dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
