So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
