I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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