How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
