dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
