im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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