Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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