i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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