Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
