Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
