You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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