Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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