you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
