Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
