her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
false alarm, still single
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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