people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
