I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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