I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
