Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
