Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
