i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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