did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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