i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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