we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
