In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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