Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
