We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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