im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
