my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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