The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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