happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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