Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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