Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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