all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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