You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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