ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
