I cockslap morals
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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